Talking about race: A marathon, not a sprint

Talk About Race — By Angela Dion on February 4, 2010 at 9:51 am

I’ve been navigating the waters of race conversations for over two decades and discovered that success in race relationships is a lot like training for a marathon. In both race talks and running I intimately know the importance of pacing, patience and pain.

When I ran my first half marathon three years ago, I couldn’t sprint first five miles and expect to finish the race with no problem. I had to start out slowly and set my pace according to my ability and my body. Likewise successful diversity conversationalists know the importance of pacing.

Having serious conversations about race is tricky and timing is everything. I can’t approach a stranger with questions like, “So, what do you think of the “N” word?” or “Are you uncomfortable when you see Muslims on an airplane?”

I instead start with less threatening inquiries like, “When did you first recognize race?” or “How do you think the media influences perceptions of race?” Slow and steady.

Once I develop my pace, I have to be patient with the results.

Patience is not just waiting, but having a peaceful attitude during the wait. Don’t expect instant results when talking about race. Just like I couldn’t run 10 miles the first time out, I didn’t expect life changing conversations prematurely. But I take my time, start small and realize that one or two or maybe even ten conversations is not enough. When I am patient with the process, meaningful dialogue is the result.

Many give up early and don’t have the patience to truly learn tolerance. The first time someone calls them a racist or challenges their thoughts, they quit, saying talking about race is too hard; people are too touchy or easily offended.  

By the same token I can’t expect others to know early on what might be offensive to me. I might have to ignore some statements that I’d rather chide or overlook some things I’d rather address.

Both race conversations and running also require some pain.

Distance runners realize that pain is just a part of the sport. Let’s face it — the human body is not designed to run thirteen miles. But many people run this distance and longer, in spite of the pain. The only way to do that is to keep going despite the pain and maybe even learn from it.

I have experienced the pain of rejection and harsh critiques when I speak honestly about race. However, the pain of rejection teaches me to be a better communicator, to persevere. A painful critic forces me to improve and enhance my skills. All of this reminds me that I’m not the expert and I still have much to learn as I navigate this planet talking about race.

I also know that sometimes a lack of pain is an indication of lack of growth. If I never feel insulted I’m probably not going outside my of comfort zone. If no one challenges me, I’m probably being lazy and safe with my discussions.

While it is good to have periods of pleasure with no pain, some discomfort is necessary to build strength in relationships. For me this means listening to a gentleman who loves the Confederate flag, accepting a friend’s disapproval of interracial marriage and facing my own prejudice against Mexicans. Pain, pain, pain.

My legs are sore even as I write this. But not sore like four years ago when I ran that first mile. Today’s pain is the kind where my muscles are screaming, “I can finish this race!” After over twenty years of pacing, patience and pain, I’m communicating about race for the long haul as well. It’s well worth the prize.

Tags: Talk About Race, Talking about Race